Why the fuck am I seeing nut ads all over the damn place?
Background for the slow learners:
the Academy Awards, which, in terms of advertising dollars, is basically the Superbowl for broads. Obviously, as the Acamdey Awards are artistically based they don’t want to have the full level of integration that you find in the Superbowl, but still, that fucking thing has gotta be a goldmine, ( By the way, Robert Downey Jr. got fucking ROBBED) While people pay more attention to (and more money for) the commercials in the Super Bowl, there is a school of thought that says you can reach a more desirable market segment through the Academy Awards.
Got it?
Anyway, so despite all that, the Academy Awards is full of weak-ass ads for some brand of nuts I’ve never even heard of. On top of all that, to quote Bill O’Reilly’s immortal words, “the fucking thing sucks.” Here it is:
Now, Adweek’s Barbara Lippert who is usually wrong about everything was wrong about this too,
“The four spots had a very Kashi-ish vibe mixed with an Obama-esque determination to make a difference, which all somehow came off without seeming overly earnest.”
Sorry , but these fucking commercials sucked. The whole thing was boring and irrelevant. I’m not enough of a client-whore to say that the product needs to be in the spot, but it should be slightly relevant, or at the very least, the ad should be interested. Talking for 30 seconds about some cutesy hobo kitchen in Chicago is a special interest piece for a 7 pm local news broadcast, not an ad campaign. As my copywriting professor was fond of saying, “It’s borrowed interest,” and as I am fond of saying, “it fucking sucked.”
Okay, so I said that at the very least it had to be interesting, but I take that back. Failing even that, at the bottom of the barrel minimum, they should’ve said something like, “True North is proud to donate $50K to this kitchen, in addition to 3 metric tons of nuts, which the hobos promptly scarfed down like filthy squirrels.”
Dear True North Nuts: I am currently looking for paid employment, and will work for a fraction of the cost of your current agency.
Oh, and as long as I’m talking about nuts, a topic I enjoy, I might as well address Emerald Nuts.
Emerald Nuts has weird, uncomfortable ads. They started a year or two ago with Robert Goulet, I think this ran during the annual advertising suckfest that is the Superbowl. Basically Emerald Nuts is here to tell you that they’re creepy. Whatever, that’s fine. They did a shit-ton of that during the bowlgames in December. I probably watched at least 20 bowl games this year, and as a result I likely saw 80-100 ads for emerald nuts. Okay, whatever. My pops hated them, and I thought they were a bit odd, but at least they have some character.
Dear Emerald Nuts: Keep being weird, but try and make it funny.
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