Shit is SO cash

I never got into this game when I was little, not having much in the way of musical talent, but I can still appreciate this shit:








and my favorite:




alright, don't worry, I got like 10 more blog posts in the works, that was just the easiest. Love you.

Steez: Fake Receipts

Fake receipts, the perfect accessory for any douchebag. Some website for dickbags is offering fake receipts, one dated for every Friday of the year, each showing a massive bank balance, indicating that you are totally rich. "What," you might well ask, "would be the point of such a thing?" Well don't worry-- dear reader, the good folks at custom reciepts have tha answer for you:

"Tired of being used as a drink-dispenser? Maybe if you were rich you’d have more luck.

Ever wanted people to think you’re rich? Just casually let them see your massive bank balance on one of our fake ATM receipts, with your name right on it.

Trying to impress that hottie at the bar? Money talks. Hand out your number on the back of one of our fake ATM receipts. They’re a players dream come true."

First of all, excellent use of the quote feature by me-- yes? Second of all 'a player's dream come true"? Really? All those players with no money, for whom the missing piece in a successful aquisition of pussy is a fake piece of paper. The whole website seems like a cross between a Maxim Magazine article on picking up chicks and one of those novelty joke item descriptions in the back of old kid magazines.

I am going to have to classify this as shit that will not get you fucked. I was going to say that this would be shit that may or may not get you fucked, but that would have required me to make a new tag, and also, while I've certainly associated with broads of a more mercenary nature, I find it difficult to believe that even the most financially motivated of these would be swayed by such a transparent play. Disregard that, I'm sure these work like a fucking charm.

PSA: Free Illegal Anime Online

Apparently, you can watch all the free fucking anime online you want. Not literally fucking anime, that would be hentai, and you can probably find that free too, but you can read about that type of thing on my other site, The Niche Pornography Blog. Anywy, more importantly you can watch dragonball z for free online. If you don't like dragon ball, then fuck off, but if you do, you can see that shit, along with lots of other weird shit from overseas for free, quasi-illegally at http://animecrusade.com.

Enjoy.

Steez: Transformer Shoes versus Transformer Shoes

Check this shit out!













Boom! Normally I'd write some kind of cutesy copy here but nothing I can do will top these baller shoes. Fuck. How epic. I mean, I thought this was cool:








But holy balls! I feel like the second option has the advantage of actually being shoes, but the first one is truly a robot in disguise. H-F-S! I mean, I'd have to catagorize this as shit that will not get you fucked, but only just. I feel like these kicks will at least get you some tang in the geek chick set, so you can get all the transformers tang you want. Fuck. Love me some shoes.

WHAT NOW MOTHERFUCKER?

Steez: Threadless

Okay, This is officially my last broad steez topic. After this I'm gonna be going through my wardrobe item by item listing shit I like. This is a really good one, and I'm excited to be writing about it.
Threadless is a dank as fuck website where aspiring art n00bs post up shirt designs and they are voted upon and the cream of the crop are produced. Sounds totally stupid right? Actually not the case. Threadless does a lot of innovative stuff using puff ink, glow in the dark, shiny gold ink, all kinds of crazy shit. They rose to prominence a few years ago, propelled largely by their ever popular, ever-present 'Communist Party' (you'll know it when you see it) shirt. I have that shirt, and wear it mainly because I look good in red. Actually, I have about 10 shirts from them and all of 'em have yielded some positve reactions, thus I am rating this as shit that will get you fucked.

The shirts are distinctive, limited run (so you feel like one in a thousand, not like one in ten) and all in all pretty cheap. I have been thinking off and on and on and off for the past year or so that my T-shirt wearing days are coming to an end, and that may be the case, but I always think I'll have a place for better lookin' threadless numbers. The "Select" shirts are a little bit pricier but some of them are brilliant. The "Type" Tees are universally horrible and should be avoided at all costs. I donno, something about shirts with ironic slogans on them just rubs me the wrong way. When I hear a great joke, I can't wait to tell it maybe once or twice to the few people who really appreciate it. Wearing a slogan shirt is like commiting to one joke that you'll be telling everyone all day everytime you wear the shirt. Whenever you make eye contact with a stranger it's like you're waiting for a laugh. Fuck that shit. This coming from a guy who owns a shirt with a picture of Shakespeare reading "Prose before Ho's, but I digress...

Still, I like threadless. More wearable than T-shirtHell.com, more soul than BustedTees, and cheaper than Detroit Sprinkles, Threadless has a little something special that feels organic. It's like what shopping in Whole Foods would feel like if there were only like 20 Whole Foods and you got the impression that maybe the owners knew what was going on in every store and the little touches had some thought in them, or as much thought as they can in a chain of 20 stores, which is a lot more than in the five hundred stores.

Why, in a previous post about my dank clae shooz, I posted a drawing of myself wearing a threadless shirt, so clearly I must think they're pretty ballin if I'm drawin 'em. Looking through my self portrait collection, I find several other examples of threadless shirts, like the one above. Every three months, they put out a shirt that I pretty much need, at least at the time, so I advise you to get on the mailing list, start looking, start voting on shirts, and start upping your shirt game.

Speaking of the Game, you just lost it.

Culture: The Internet is Terrible

I fucking love the Internet is terrible. I stumbled upon it last year on facebook by accident and have never looked back. Basically, it collects some of the worst shit on the internet and puts it all on one place. The author, 'Raisins', draws heavily from the chans, (which I may discuss later) and youtube and the results are great. 4chan is a little bit much to sift through, so I rely heavily on the internet is terrible when I need to find some quality weird shit to send to my friends and associates. Noted asshole, Freddy Nietzsche once said "Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you," and Raisins has a simmilar quote "Sometimes the Internet changes a man." You can tell, from the contempt he clearly has for his subjects, that the dude spends a lot of time sifting through crap. I love it. Sometimes, when he posts images of disableds, I cringe a little, but mostly its lulz.

Props to you Raisins, for consistent win. Double props for censoring some of the more extreme stuff so I can surf at work. Five stars.

Culture: Changeling Was Rad, But Long

I went out for a hot date with that broad I get around with to go and see Changeling. Directed by that asskicker Clint Eastwood, it stars that hot broad with the pouty face. Basically, her kid gets nabbed and then the police show up with some other kid and say it's hers. She get's pissed off and lulz ensue. There's some intense shit with an ax, a trial scene, shock therapy, negative portrayls of the Irish. It's got it all.

Normally I think Jolie's a pretty so-so actress, but this time I thought she was pretty dope. I read some article in AV Club like a year ago saying she oughta give up on the whole acting gig, since she's so famous and so distinctive she's always playing herself. I was pretty much taken in by the whole thing though, and I thought she did a great job making me forget that she's actually some hot broad who's into tattoos and kinky sex.

The movie was a bummer and way intense, which means I have am going to label it as "shit that will not get you fucked." It also went on for two fucking years, which sucked. It was kind of like Zodiac, in that I kept thinking it was about to end, only to be stuck with another act. That said, it didn't feel bloated; everything seemed necessary. Visually it was really rad looking, and being that I love me some LA, I very much enjoyed seeing the old timey LA. Plus, it showed what assholes cops are, especially the notoriously douchey LAPD. On the other hand, they were pretty hard on the 'changeling' which is sort of weak. I feel like they made no effort to make the kid sympathetic, and I think it's a bold choice as a director to villify a small child. Overall though, if you've got a heart, you'll come out of the story wanting to call your mom. Which reminds me, I'm not in love with the title, since my darling Ma used to call me a changeling when I was misbehaving as a child. Okay, just give me a second to repress that memory... okay done. Anyway, the movie was really sweet and intense, but also really long.

TL;DR-- Changeling was pretty solid, but felt maybe 35 minutes too long.


PS, It also reminded me of this epic book I had to read Freshman year called City of Quartz by Mike Davis. I wasn't as brilliant as I now am, and I was also a little bit of a republican tool in my younger days, so I didn't really appreciate it at the time but it was probably pretty epic and worth a read. It's basically all about how much LA sucks, which I don't agree with but it was certainly an interesting and class conscious look at the history and culture of Los Angeles.