Fucking Kanye

It took a special and important moment to get me out of my self-imposed exile. It wasn't MJ's death, the dow passing 9000, Clinton nabbing some Chinese babes from China, or even USC's victory over Ohio State. What brought me out of my slumber was a special moment.

I felt a great disturbance in the lulz....
























You know what happened. I know that my blog is far enough down the internet food chain that I can't possibly be breaking this story twelve hours after it happened. I know you know because everyone on my facebook changed their status, without having the self awareness to know that watching the VMA's is for fourteen year olds. I was off playing Madden 08 because I'm broke, but I felt the aforementioned phenomena, and knew something was afoot.

When my douche sense is tingling, I follow it, so I dropped my wiimote and I ran to the nearest internet and watched the video. I received a call during the video and as we were talking-- me keeping one eye on the action-- she suddenly says, "hang on, my roommate wants to show me something." I knew what was up, so we both watched as Kanye West, charged the stage like a heroic knight charging the castle, ready to save the princess.

George Bush didn't care about black people, and Kanye West doesn't care about white chicks. He acted like he didn't know who Taylor Swift was, which is how I would act, because I don't know who she was. I thought she may have been the high school musical chicks, but not the one who was naked twice, but that's not the case. Apparently she's just some chick. Anyway, Kanye grabs the mic and heroically starts yapping away. He probably knew it was an incredibly rude and childish thing to do, or maybe he didn't because since his mom got pwned by a bad stomach staple, he's reverted even deeper into a child. Either way, it didn't matter. Some things are bigger than manners. Kanye saw a tragedy about to happen, and he couldn't let it go on undeterred. You wouldn't think it was rude if the passengers on your flight stormed the terrorists attempting to hijack it-- would you?

Kanye saw that the entire world-- even just for a few seconds-- was being deprived of his opinion, and he couldn't let that shit go.

This is basically the idiot's version of another epic douche moment from earlier this week:



Basically, it looks like other assholes of the world are out there stepping their game up, being impossible assholes, and they've pretty much just taken the rock to the hole, and said look, Infinite Steez, it's your move. Alright internet, I got this. Hail Satan.

Ad Stuff: Holy Shit, this is amazing

I have long felt that SFW porn is the greatest shit in history, and now Diesel, known for their generally cheeky attitude, has outdone themselves by embracing the internet trend in a recent ad.

Peep this shit, and prepare to be amazed aroused




this is really the first time I've seen an ad so good I didn't even have the heart to be jealous I didn't do it. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

If you're not familiar with SFW, you should read this article from ED, or else just read this explanation here, from me:

Basically, you take a pornographic image, and use MS paint to cover up the dirty parts, making it look like something innocuous.

Diesel's Viral Agency, creatively called the Viral Factory made the spot of vintage porn for Diesel's XXX Dirty Thirty, 30th Anniversary party... I'm sorry, this would be a longer post, but I need to go watch that clip again. Fucking amazing.

Internets Culture: Moar Cowbell

Peep this shit, fools, and be amazed.

Ad Stuff: Burger King kicks even more ass than I thought

If there's anything I love it's shitty food. I also love shitty movies, but I feel like I've been scooped on that front by some dude here who reviewed the Unborn, focusing entirely on the star's epic booty. Oh, I also love epic booty. But returning to my original point, I love shitty food. As a result, I'm sort of a fan of Burger King. I don't eat there very often, but whenever I do I always think it's pretty rad. The soft drink recipes are always good for a lol, and the general demeanor (especially born out by any and all ads they run not feature that asshole Puff Daddy) is that they don't really give a shit. The stuff with The King is brilliant and a great example of when advertising enters into culture in a way that is not lame and abrasive ( See: Whassup, Got Milk, Where's the Beef etc.)

Anyway, enough silly bullshit. Burger King's agency, Crispin Porter + Bogusky, has taken this FGSFDS attittude to the next level, branching out from lols into lulz and pwnage. Their new(ish) facebook app allows facebook users to delete friends in exchange for Whopper gift certificates. This shit is epic. Everybody knows that facebook is crap and forces you to be friends with a bunch of people from freshman year who you don't care about anymore. Burger King helps you solve that problem. The only catch is that it informs the former friends that they have been sacrificed for what is probably a pretty lackluster burger. Oh well.

Now, Ad Week updated this story saying that facebook starting bawwing about this and forced Burger King to end their updates and blah blah blah blah. It was still an epic idea and probably the only worthwhile facebook application I have ever heard of. Props to you Burger King, for being the rare client willing to risk being a total douche. Also Props to you, Crispin.

TL;DR-- Crispin Porter + Bogusky--- please hire me when I graduate and give me lots of money to be an asshole to strangers. Love, Josh

Chi-Chi-Chi-Chi-Chi-Chi-Chi-Chi!

And this is what I spent my day on while at work yesterday:

Gut Reactions: US Journalists need to step their game up.

Alright, so if you haven't seen the greatest shit in history, here it is:



my fucking hero Barack Obama Some Iraqi Journo pitches not one but two shoes at Pres. Bush. Way to go Iraqi Journalist! We all know that Bush is a douche etc, etc, no need to get into that, but way to go. I feel like a lot of people are making this out to be a bad thing, but it isn't. America has clearly fallen down in the world's opinion to the point people think they can just throw shoes at our dignitaries, and that's kind of our bad. Actually, no, it's George Bush's bad for being such a douche.

I just changed my mind what this blog post is gonna be about. It was going to be all about how US journalists need to start being assholes if they don't want their newspapers to get shut down, but now I'm going to present you with a collection of videos of bush being pwned and disregarded.


No Handshakes for Bush:



What's that you say? This story was later debunked? WHO CARES? My point stands, moving on...

No waving for Bush:



Way to go, Keith Olberman, what an asskicker.

No space for Bush:



Good good. I mean, you can talk about America's declining stature in the world, or you can simply lol at the fact that 'The Leader of the Free World' has become such a non-entity. I advocate the lulz. Some argue that this is because Bush is a Lame Duck Douche President, but I disagree. I think it's because he has fucked a lot of shit up, and some people, unlike me, do not feel the constant pressure to conform to standards of politeness. We all like to think we'd have the courage to stand up to slavery or call Condi Rice a murderer to her face but in reality, most of us just want to be nice. At least I do. So bravo to people who are brave enough to be deliberately rude, or to throw shoes, or whatever the fuck this post was originally about. Okay, no more politics for at least 5 more posts.

Ace out.

PSA: Free Illegal Anime Online

Apparently, you can watch all the free fucking anime online you want. Not literally fucking anime, that would be hentai, and you can probably find that free too, but you can read about that type of thing on my other site, The Niche Pornography Blog. Anywy, more importantly you can watch dragonball z for free online. If you don't like dragon ball, then fuck off, but if you do, you can see that shit, along with lots of other weird shit from overseas for free, quasi-illegally at http://animecrusade.com.

Enjoy.

Steez: Transformer Shoes versus Transformer Shoes

Check this shit out!













Boom! Normally I'd write some kind of cutesy copy here but nothing I can do will top these baller shoes. Fuck. How epic. I mean, I thought this was cool:








But holy balls! I feel like the second option has the advantage of actually being shoes, but the first one is truly a robot in disguise. H-F-S! I mean, I'd have to catagorize this as shit that will not get you fucked, but only just. I feel like these kicks will at least get you some tang in the geek chick set, so you can get all the transformers tang you want. Fuck. Love me some shoes.

WHAT NOW MOTHERFUCKER?

Gut Reactions: Global Schwarming?

So I didn't read some article about how Global Warming is maybe bullshit, but if I had I would have probably read about how Global Warming is maybe bullshit. First and foremost, I think that if you are going to jump in with the "Global Warming is not manmade" crowd, you should pause and think if you really want to be in the company of Sarah 'not as hot as Tina Fey, no matter what anyone says' Palin and George 'Double-Yew' Bush. If the answer is yes, then gfy, you can go diaf for all I care. The real issue here, as far as I'm concerned, is whether or not you think we oughta be taking better care of the earth. Not to sound like a hippie, but we really oughta be. The place is a mess, species are going extinct, and the quality of life is rapidly declining. Let's say global warming is a myth. If we, as a society, gather together and cooperate to lower carbon emissions, drive electric cars or whatever, recycle, stop dumping shit in the ocean, whatever, what bad shit will happen? Our air is cleaner, we use renewable sources (I defy anyone to argue taht we're not running the hell out of oil) and we generally have a planet that is a nicer place to be.

Where's the fucking harm?

This would be epic win for society, showing that we can cooperate on something that isn't a war. It reminds me of this time my parents were gonna come visit my apartment. I spent all day cleaning up and vacuming and throwing out old food. Then they called up and cancelled and my immediate reaction was like what the hell, I wasted my whole day. But then I was like, well, on the plus side, now my place is all clean. See what I mean? Epic win for me. Plus, this means that the world will be a much nicer place when the Large Hadron Collider destroys it in a few months.

TL;DR-- Even if Global Warming were bullshit, which it is NOT, we need to stop fucking trashing the place.

If the TL;DR was TL;DR-- FUCK YOU!

Dear Bill Murray, Please Come to My Next Party

Okay, so I broke my longstanding habit of not reading full articles to read an amazing article about my fucking hero Barack Obama Bill Murray, star of every movie I retroactively loved from the 1980's, and one of my all-time favorite Christmas movies.

Well, according to a totally interesting article in the usually shitty NY Post, Bill Murray is apparently now crashing parties, apparently for the lulz.

This is great news. I understand that not everyone will be as moved as I am to read this epic article, but basically, the recently divorced ghostbuster/ international mega star is now spending his nights attending random parties and talking to strangers at bars. We're not talking random parties in the sense of random Hollywood parties. In the article, it talks about him showing up at some crappy house party at some crappy apartment in the middle of NYC, the crappiest place in the world (EAT IT NY-- LA FUCKING RULES!!!!1!1!!!one) hahaha disregard that, I suck cocks, New York is actually pretty okay Fuck New York.

(In related news, I just found out how to use strikethrough)

Anyway, so basically, one of my greatest heroes is apparently now just raging with strangers of my generation. The article seems to indicate that he's doing it mainly to pick up chicks, but I feel like this is not the case, since if he were looking to meet new babes, he'd probably just reenlist in the army and meet some saucy MP's. I like to think that the old guy is just looking for a good time, of the non load-busting variety. So, in the spirt of that, I would like to invite Bill Murray to attend a party at my apartment next semester. We will schedule it around his busy... schedule. Bill Murray, please message me privately so we can set this up. This would be the greatest Celebrity moment of my life, even better than seeing Neil Patrick Harris at some art show in Culver City. Please note that Bill Murray is now my most under-used tag, so I will try and incorporate more BM (Bowel Movement?) themed posts in future.

The Simple Things in Life

I've sipped hundred dollar champagne, eaten fine Prime Rib, hobnobbed with the stars high atop the roofs of Beverly Hills. I've traveled across this land, and visited the offices of higher learning, been told by great scholars that my prose is among the best. I've walked the halls of California's greatest ad agencies as an equal, seen my work produced by billion dollar companies. I've heard crowds cheer me on as a champion athlete, scoring one for the home team. I've looked deep into the eyes of the woman I love, and seen that love, and profound longing reflected back at me, held her in my arms, stared up at a sky full of stars, and contemplated the infinite potential of man. I've stood atop mountain peaks, dwelt deep in forests, relying on myself and finding myself worthy. I have had, in quiet and reflective moments, read the works of great authors, and understood them as if they were my own. I have seen seen respect and wonder in the eyes of a child, and drunk and laughed with commoners and captains of industry. Once I saw Neil Patrick Harris at a party in Culver City. I have known the best life has to offer, and yet, there is nothing quite like popping a really spectacular zit.

Culture: The Internet is Terrible

I fucking love the Internet is terrible. I stumbled upon it last year on facebook by accident and have never looked back. Basically, it collects some of the worst shit on the internet and puts it all on one place. The author, 'Raisins', draws heavily from the chans, (which I may discuss later) and youtube and the results are great. 4chan is a little bit much to sift through, so I rely heavily on the internet is terrible when I need to find some quality weird shit to send to my friends and associates. Noted asshole, Freddy Nietzsche once said "Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you," and Raisins has a simmilar quote "Sometimes the Internet changes a man." You can tell, from the contempt he clearly has for his subjects, that the dude spends a lot of time sifting through crap. I love it. Sometimes, when he posts images of disableds, I cringe a little, but mostly its lulz.

Props to you Raisins, for consistent win. Double props for censoring some of the more extreme stuff so I can surf at work. Five stars.