Twitter is overexposed and useless.

Every article about twitter starts the same.

"If you don't know what twitter is, it's a microblogging site, in which users (including me, har har har) are asked one simple question-- what are you doing right now. They have 140 characters to answer. Sounds simple, right? Well that's the beauty of it, and it's what has made Twitter the fastest growing social networking site of 2009"

I'll add the caveat that I'm on twitter, before I continue. I also have a facebook, two blogs, an account with fark, gamespot, opentable, Stumbleupon, and a half dozen other sites.. Sometimes I comment on 4chan too. Most of the other sites I belong to have a unique funtion, but twitter doesn't. I also only actually know about 5 or 6 of my twitter buddies in real life, so the status update is not really much of an ego-feeder for me. Roger Ebert recently wrote an article about twitter that is a mix of brilliant insight and "hey you kids, stop playin' grab ass and get off my lawn" stupidity, so you can read that and hear all about how Twitter is kind of vain and stupid and mindnumbing. That's not my beef. My real problem with twitter is that it doesn't really work for what it's supposed to do.

Facebook, by keeping wallposts, and pictures, and videos, and a hundred other things, allows you to stay in touch with people. It's a weak association, but I can still have a vague idea of what the guy I used to sit next to in algebra class is up to these days. In our increasingly fragmented society, this is I guess what passes for friendship. Twitter doesn't help with that really.

What am I doing?
sitting on my ass, getting my portfolio together, wasting time.

Same as a lot of people. A lot of the time, what I'm doing is just song lyrics. Right now I'm plugging this blog. The snapshots twitter gives you are so small as to be unrecognizable. It's like facebook for dummies, and facebook is already for dummies. It kind of reminds me of those jitterbug phones they have for seniors. That's what twitter is for social networking.

Twitter does work very well as an RSS feed, allowing you to keep up with a number of blogs in one place. The sites I follow aren't generally my favorites, just ones I tend to forget to follow up on. That way, I am alerted when lovely package or high snobiety have something new and cool.

Twitter is useless for keeping up with people, and I'm sure that if I looked into it I could find a better RSS feed compiler.

Fine, there are lots of uselss sites. Lots of them. No, like a lot.

The difference? Those sites aren't being rammed down our throats. The media, is so enamored with twitter that, if it ever was cool, it sure as shit isn't now. The problem is that they completely missed the boat on social networking, jumping on the bandwagon after the story was about three years old. They didn't want to be Ric Romero again, so when Twitter came along they reported the hell out of it. Everyday, a twitter story appears on the news, on fark, on digg. It's forced and it's false. In my marketing classes, we hear all about it, how it's the next big thing. If it were the next big thing, more than two people in a class of fifty would be on it.

Twitter kind of sucks, and it's kind of okay, and it annoys me that I have to write about it, contributing to the phenomenon that I am so irritated by. Twitter itself is not worth talking about. The yellow journalism that created it, is.

TL;DR-- fuck twitter.

(image credit: Banksy)

Gut Reaction: Fuck the Dow Jones

It must be nice to be in charge of a major corporation. In addition to being able to count on a government bailout when you fuck up at your job, you can also blame your fuck-ups on the government when you continue to fail at the task you are given millions of dollars to do.

John Stewart recently made an (increasingly rare) good observation on the current stock situation:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

The Dow Knows All

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

jesus christ that's a long embed code. Thanks a lot Viacom, you fucking piece of shit, as if anyone has ever wanted to hear about your shitty jokes of the day. Anyway, the point Stewart makes is that the Dow Jones isn't an indication of fucking anything. That's a solid point, but here's another, better one, from me:

The financial sector seems to be coming out to say, "People don't want to invest in our company because they have no confidence in President Obama's Stimulus Package." Why don't we apply Occam's Razor for a minute... Maybe people don't want to invest in stocks becuase most companies seem to be fucking up and because we all know that Stockbrokers are a bunch of goddamn con artists. Maybe people don't want to invest because they have less money because bullshit companies have been jacking up prices on basic items like grocery store produce, originally made more expensive due to rising gas costs, but which have remained stagnant. Maybe people don't want to invest because no matter how nice your suit is, you are all still just fucking gambling.

TL;DR-- fuck you, suit.

Media Pro-Tip: Being Passive Aggressive is the Path to Success

I was reading some article about some asshole from Las Vegas, which I was about to blog about because I figured if there's anything my blog needs it's more bullshit posts about politics that ramble on and on, possibly with extended run-on sentences but then I changed my mind.

Basically, Obama came out and said:

“We’re going to do something to strengthen the banking system. You are not going to be able to give out these big bonuses until you pay taxpayers back. You can't get corporate jets. You can't go take a trip to Las Vegas or go down to the Super Bowl on the taxpayers' dime. There's got to be some accountability and some responsibility.” (emphasis added, because no one can speak in italics)

Well the crabby mayor of Vegas came out swinging, by which I mean he started crying and demanded an apology:

“That's outrageous. He owes us an apology. He owes us a retraction. What is a better place, I say, for them to come here. For them to change their mind and go someplace else and to cancel at the suggestion of the president of the United States, that is outrageous.”

I will address the issue of pretending to be offended for fun and profit in a later article, but the real genius here comes from the end of the article.

"Goodman last made national news for defending an earmark he wanted put in the stimulus package, a $50 million museum dedicated to the history of organized crime."

Boom! Headshot! Article authors Sunlen Miller and Jake Tapper aren't writing an opinion piece here, they're writing journalism. Journalism is different from the opinioneering practiced by Bill O'Reilly, Keith Olberman (what an asskicker) and myself. The difference is that 1. Journalism takes actual work, usually in the form of difficult research (as opposed to just yelling) and 2. Journalism generally requires you to feign neutrality Miller and Tapper manage to maintain their journalistic impartiality while still defending Obama. They do it by including an anectdote about Goodman, the mayor, that makes him look ridiculous and frivolous. If I were them, I would've referenced another incident I read about in which the Mayor told a room of 4th Graders all about how much he loves gin. Me too, Mayor Goodman, me too.

Good work abc, there's nothing like being passive aggressive to make others look ridiculous while still appearing reasonable yourself.

Current Faves in Hip-Hop

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been busy fighting off Super Mutants and Talon Company Mercs in Fallout 3, the most epic shit in history. This isn't a game review site, but I'll just go ahead and give it an A, becuase the game is epic as balls. In any event, I have decided to drop some knowlege on you in the form of some of my current favorite rap related shizz.

"My President's Black; My Lambo's Blue"



"Get Money"

Time Magazine's Top 10 Shit

Anyway, Time Magazine has the top ten of everything and I have some tl;dr's for you, the faithful reader of the infinite steez blog. I had initially planned to correct all of their mistakes, but instead have opted to do so for only the most glaring errors

#1 Best Awkward Moment-- Bush Dances Awkwardly
WRONG-- the most awkward moment was actually when the self-checking machine refused to ring up something awkward that I was buying at Ralphs. Picking Something of more mass appeal... might be the already posted video where nobody will let Bush in line. ID.

#1 Best Business Deal-- Some Shit About Visa Wrong-- The best business deal was when I got a 30 pack of caguama's for $16. Booyah

#1 Best Movie Performance-- Kate Winslet is some movie you've never heard of.
Wrong again fucko! It was, of course Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder. Heath Ledger caswe a close second for Dark Knight.












#1 Best Break-Up-- Guy Ritchie & Madonna
WRONG! The right answer was the breakup between Time magazine and journalistic relevance. Although I feel like this might have happened a bit close to press time, as posting a 'best break-up' section, was the final nail in the coffin. Second place, goes to my roommate and his HEINOUS BITCH girlfriend.

#1 Best in Campaign Gaffes-- McCain's Weak Fundamentals
Wrong, the biggest Gaffe was:
Making Palin VP
Nom making McCain presidential Nominee
The Republican Party bothering to run any candidate.

#1 Best in Science-- The Large Hadron Collider
Hell yes, in terms of science, Time magazine knows where it's it, briefly profiling the epicly important LHC.
See, The Onion knows where it's at too.

#1 Best in Video-- The Couric/ Palin Interviews
WRONG! This was by no means even the best Palin Video, that was Nailin' Paylin. (although it's MUCH better with the pr0n. No, the best video of the year was this one:



Brought to my attentnion by Raisins at The Internet is Terrible, this is probably the most haunting thing in history, and 2008's most significant vid.

#1 Best in Children's Books-- Some Shit By The Folks Who Wrote Burglar Bill

WRONG! The best children's book is this one, which teaches children of all ages about Bob Dylan. Actually I don't care.

#1 Best in Crime-- OJ gets thrown in the slammer.

WRONG! The best crime story was me getting a speeding ticket. Fuck.

#1 Best in Editorial Cartoons-- Some non lulzy shit about the bailout.

WRONG! The real best comes from Jim Kelly, over at the Onion, sticking it to those environmentalist wingnuts.

#1 Best in Election Photos: Some stupid Obama picture

Wrong. There were a shit ton of epic pictures of my fucking hero Barack Obama, I have no idea why they picked such a lame one. In my opinion fact the best election pictures were taken by some rando chick called Nilda Vidutis. You should probs take a look at this amazing series of photos.


#1 Best in Video Games-- GTA IV
WRONG!! The best video game of 2008 was fucking metal gear solid 4, and the fact that it doesn't even crack their top 10 shows that Time knows dick about video games. I didn't even play Metal Gear Solid and I know it was the best. I did play GTA, and I thought it was great but come on. Metal Gear is probably dank as shit.

#1 Best in Fashon Moments-- Something Lame About High Heels
WRONG-- The best moment in 2008 fashion was when I got those epic Clae Shoes. Love those fucking things.

#1 Best in Olympics-- Phelp's Phucking Photo Phinish
Wrong-- the correct answer is, "who fucking cares?" Partial credit would be given for me getting some action while the Olympics were on TV.

#1 Best in Religion-- Some shit nobody cares about

Wrong, the correct answer is I AM A FALSE PROHPHET AND GOD IS A SUPERSTITION. NOW GIVE ME THE BLOOD ELI, LET ME GET AWAY.

#1 Best in Sports Moments-- Tiger plays through the pain.

Yeah fucking right. The best sports story of the year was when this dude playing for some no name college team broke his finger and was told he couldn't play. His response-- fuck you, cut off my finger, we're doin' it live! Maybe Tiger would top this list if he'd opted to have his goddamn leg cut off to play better. Are you fucking kidding me?

Alright, that's about all I have the attention span for. Fuck off.

Culture: Hope Poster Round-Up

Politics aside, I think that Shepard Fairey's 'Hope' and 'Change' (Progress was really weak) posters were extremely important culturally speaking. Fairey, who spent the past like 10 years doing the same thing (though extremely well--Obey Giant is always cool) achieved an unprecedented level of notoriety for his iconic images of My Fucking Hero Barack Obama. In honor of that, here are a bunch of epic internets revisions. I have selected a few of my faves, not on political lines but based on creativity, humor and technical proficiency.





















































All images were found on encyclopedia dramatica, 4chan.org, and this place, which has a great selection of these images. That last one, poster place, has links to the original artists who did this baller work. I actually made one of that broad I get around with for her birthday, so I know the amount of effort that goes into making even a simple image, so bravo to all you internet geniuses.

Gut Reactions: US Journalists need to step their game up.

Alright, so if you haven't seen the greatest shit in history, here it is:



my fucking hero Barack Obama Some Iraqi Journo pitches not one but two shoes at Pres. Bush. Way to go Iraqi Journalist! We all know that Bush is a douche etc, etc, no need to get into that, but way to go. I feel like a lot of people are making this out to be a bad thing, but it isn't. America has clearly fallen down in the world's opinion to the point people think they can just throw shoes at our dignitaries, and that's kind of our bad. Actually, no, it's George Bush's bad for being such a douche.

I just changed my mind what this blog post is gonna be about. It was going to be all about how US journalists need to start being assholes if they don't want their newspapers to get shut down, but now I'm going to present you with a collection of videos of bush being pwned and disregarded.


No Handshakes for Bush:



What's that you say? This story was later debunked? WHO CARES? My point stands, moving on...

No waving for Bush:



Way to go, Keith Olberman, what an asskicker.

No space for Bush:



Good good. I mean, you can talk about America's declining stature in the world, or you can simply lol at the fact that 'The Leader of the Free World' has become such a non-entity. I advocate the lulz. Some argue that this is because Bush is a Lame Duck Douche President, but I disagree. I think it's because he has fucked a lot of shit up, and some people, unlike me, do not feel the constant pressure to conform to standards of politeness. We all like to think we'd have the courage to stand up to slavery or call Condi Rice a murderer to her face but in reality, most of us just want to be nice. At least I do. So bravo to people who are brave enough to be deliberately rude, or to throw shoes, or whatever the fuck this post was originally about. Okay, no more politics for at least 5 more posts.

Ace out.

Gut Reaction: IFH the WSJ

The Wall Stree Journal sucks cock-- prove me wrong.

Ridiculous right wing opinion columns.
Publishing articles by that fucking criminal Karl Rove.
Being assholes, blaming the poor.
Hating on my fucking Hero Barack Obama
I fucking hate the Wall Street Journal

It has excellent articles on business and economics matters, which are two examples of shit I know nothing about. It should stick to this and STFU about politics, which is one example of shit they know nothing about.

TL;DR-- More like Ball Skeet Journal, Am I right?

Gut Reactions: Al Gore, What A Douche

Alright, so Gut Reactions are where, without reading or really thinking about an article or issue, I form an opinion based on a headline or summary, and then blog that sucker to death.

Here's an article from the Washington Times, which I won't lie, I found on Fark about Al Gore, who I normally think is pretty rad, especially after seeing that horror movie. My fucking hero Barack Obama offers Al Gore the sweet and, as yet, completely made-up White House position of Climate Czar, and Al Gore says no. I don't know if Al Gore gave a reason, that shit was below the fold so I didn't read it. In my mind, what probably happened is that he think he's hot shit and so when he was offered the gig he was probably all like "Fuck that I'm Al Gore."

Al Gore, what a douche.

So until next time, remember...