Fucking Kanye

It took a special and important moment to get me out of my self-imposed exile. It wasn't MJ's death, the dow passing 9000, Clinton nabbing some Chinese babes from China, or even USC's victory over Ohio State. What brought me out of my slumber was a special moment.

I felt a great disturbance in the lulz....
























You know what happened. I know that my blog is far enough down the internet food chain that I can't possibly be breaking this story twelve hours after it happened. I know you know because everyone on my facebook changed their status, without having the self awareness to know that watching the VMA's is for fourteen year olds. I was off playing Madden 08 because I'm broke, but I felt the aforementioned phenomena, and knew something was afoot.

When my douche sense is tingling, I follow it, so I dropped my wiimote and I ran to the nearest internet and watched the video. I received a call during the video and as we were talking-- me keeping one eye on the action-- she suddenly says, "hang on, my roommate wants to show me something." I knew what was up, so we both watched as Kanye West, charged the stage like a heroic knight charging the castle, ready to save the princess.

George Bush didn't care about black people, and Kanye West doesn't care about white chicks. He acted like he didn't know who Taylor Swift was, which is how I would act, because I don't know who she was. I thought she may have been the high school musical chicks, but not the one who was naked twice, but that's not the case. Apparently she's just some chick. Anyway, Kanye grabs the mic and heroically starts yapping away. He probably knew it was an incredibly rude and childish thing to do, or maybe he didn't because since his mom got pwned by a bad stomach staple, he's reverted even deeper into a child. Either way, it didn't matter. Some things are bigger than manners. Kanye saw a tragedy about to happen, and he couldn't let it go on undeterred. You wouldn't think it was rude if the passengers on your flight stormed the terrorists attempting to hijack it-- would you?

Kanye saw that the entire world-- even just for a few seconds-- was being deprived of his opinion, and he couldn't let that shit go.

This is basically the idiot's version of another epic douche moment from earlier this week:



Basically, it looks like other assholes of the world are out there stepping their game up, being impossible assholes, and they've pretty much just taken the rock to the hole, and said look, Infinite Steez, it's your move. Alright internet, I got this. Hail Satan.

Nevermind, I have a few jobs lined up:

Don't worry everyone, I have a few gigs in my future, all found through craigslist




























Plus I found that dude whose number I lost:

Salary Expectations

I love it when a job asks me what my salary expectations are. I haven't been paid for work in like ten months, and that wasn't much either. I expect to be paid, that's it. Companies should just come out and be like-- hey, we're gonna pay you like $20K a year, or whatever, and if I want to get paid that much I'll apply and if not I'll keep looking. They do this-- obviously-- so that they can take the best combination of qualified and willing to work for peanuts. If the job goes for $30 but the person will do it for $20, they can basically take advantage of the lack of knowledge of pay structure.

Then again, this might be a great strategy that people can apply to their lives, like dating for instance. On a first date, the chick can just say-- "hey, what base do you think you'll be getting to tonight," and if it were me I'd be like, uh, I think that first base is definitely reasonable, but second is not by any means out of the question..." Meanwhile, this chick was totally down for anal and now I'm getting gypped.

TL;DR-- Asking someone what they expect is a great way to make them look like an asshole.

Fuck Kobe

Look, I'll be the first to admit I know nothing about basketball, and I could generally kind of give a shit about it. That said, I've been following the playoffs and have decided that, having learned to love football through sheer force of will, I can easily do the same for basketball. It's been working so far and I've been stoked to watch the Lakers kick ass, particularly after last year's disappointing loss to the Celtics. I wasn't disappointed at the time but apparently I shoulda been.

Like anything in life, mankind loves a narrative and commentators try and give that to sports, which is sort of boring otherwise. The problem with Kobe, however, is that despite being crazy talented, he's an ice cold motherfucker-- and not in the good way either. The dude is called the Black Mamba, which would imply that he's sick as shit, which he is-- but he doesn't seem to care. His play is utterly joyless.

I've been digging the epic Kobe/LeBron Most Valuable Puppet commercials. As usual, Nike is kicking the shit out of all other shoe companies in terms of ads, as exhibited below:



Here, Kobe is--unless I'm mistaken-- voiced by the crazy animated David Alan Grier who gives his puppet a lot more life than the real dude has. As a matter of fact, I pretty much prefer the puppet to the actual Kobe in every way. I'l lleave it up to you, but I think the choice is clear:

Craigslist: just another collection of jagovs.

I go back and forth on how I feel about the world at large. Sometimes I think that I secretly love everyone and find beauty in everything, and sometimes-- like now, I think that everyone besides me is a fucking idiot. I've been looking for work fairly haphazardly, and also trying to sell a few things with some success. While my dream life of being a highly profile copywriter who gets paid in cash and bj's and lives upstairs from a shitty bar may seem far away, there is no reason I can't pick up a little work in the interim, right?

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong wrong.

I'm basically looking for labor at this point, because I'm a monstrous fat ass and want to be able to fit into the flossy clothes I own. I also think it's good for the soul. Fine. Here is an example of a labor gig posting on craigslist:

"SEARCHING FOR A CLEANER TO HELP ME CLEAN MY APARTMENT THOROUGHLY AND GET PAID, SOMEONE THAT WOULDN'T GO TO MY APARTMENT AND STEAL MY THINGS, I NEED SOMEONE WHO'S VERY RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY. INTERESTED CLEANER SHOULD EMAIL ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE WITH THEIR LOCATION(NECESSARY). ALL EMAILS SHOULD BE SENT DIRECTLY TO THIS EMAIL. XXXXXXX@gmail.com(compulsory) else your application will not be PROCESSED. "

I love how pissed off this person is already, and I can tell they're pissed off because of the all-caps.

What the fuck?

I just read A Confederecy of Dunces:

Here's a pic of me reading it:
























The book is about a far loser who lives with his Ma and is sent out to find work. I managed to finish it before that became my life exactly but shit, I was cutting it pretty fine. Anyway, I just wanted to update my loyal readers (google analytics tells me you fuckers are out there), and to let you know that if you need shit did, I'm lookin for work.

Fuck

Okay baby, it's been a while, and I missed you. I just graduated though, and am unemployed, so I have bigger fish to fry atm. Sorry, fuckos, You'll have to wait a bit for me to dive back into the blogosteez.

What I been doing

I've been busy failing at life and neglecting you, the dear IS blog, so here's some shit I've been doing:

1. Reading Comic Books
2. Boning
3. Drinking
4. BBQing
5. Being steezy
6. Listening to the Adam Carolla Podcast
7. Working On My Portfolio
8. Writing a Little
9. Raging
10. Avoiding Phonecalls
    
11. Thinking Unbreakable was awesome
    
12. Not studying
13. Not working
14. Not getting jobs
15. Not getting calls or e-mails returned
16. Feeling Insulted
17. Getting tired of advertising
18. Wallowing
19. Appreciating all the help I can get
20. Being terrified of graduating