Fuck Kobe

Look, I'll be the first to admit I know nothing about basketball, and I could generally kind of give a shit about it. That said, I've been following the playoffs and have decided that, having learned to love football through sheer force of will, I can easily do the same for basketball. It's been working so far and I've been stoked to watch the Lakers kick ass, particularly after last year's disappointing loss to the Celtics. I wasn't disappointed at the time but apparently I shoulda been.

Like anything in life, mankind loves a narrative and commentators try and give that to sports, which is sort of boring otherwise. The problem with Kobe, however, is that despite being crazy talented, he's an ice cold motherfucker-- and not in the good way either. The dude is called the Black Mamba, which would imply that he's sick as shit, which he is-- but he doesn't seem to care. His play is utterly joyless.

I've been digging the epic Kobe/LeBron Most Valuable Puppet commercials. As usual, Nike is kicking the shit out of all other shoe companies in terms of ads, as exhibited below:



Here, Kobe is--unless I'm mistaken-- voiced by the crazy animated David Alan Grier who gives his puppet a lot more life than the real dude has. As a matter of fact, I pretty much prefer the puppet to the actual Kobe in every way. I'l lleave it up to you, but I think the choice is clear:

Craigslist: just another collection of jagovs.

I go back and forth on how I feel about the world at large. Sometimes I think that I secretly love everyone and find beauty in everything, and sometimes-- like now, I think that everyone besides me is a fucking idiot. I've been looking for work fairly haphazardly, and also trying to sell a few things with some success. While my dream life of being a highly profile copywriter who gets paid in cash and bj's and lives upstairs from a shitty bar may seem far away, there is no reason I can't pick up a little work in the interim, right?

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong wrong.

I'm basically looking for labor at this point, because I'm a monstrous fat ass and want to be able to fit into the flossy clothes I own. I also think it's good for the soul. Fine. Here is an example of a labor gig posting on craigslist:

"SEARCHING FOR A CLEANER TO HELP ME CLEAN MY APARTMENT THOROUGHLY AND GET PAID, SOMEONE THAT WOULDN'T GO TO MY APARTMENT AND STEAL MY THINGS, I NEED SOMEONE WHO'S VERY RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY. INTERESTED CLEANER SHOULD EMAIL ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE WITH THEIR LOCATION(NECESSARY). ALL EMAILS SHOULD BE SENT DIRECTLY TO THIS EMAIL. XXXXXXX@gmail.com(compulsory) else your application will not be PROCESSED. "

I love how pissed off this person is already, and I can tell they're pissed off because of the all-caps.

What the fuck?

I just read A Confederecy of Dunces:

Here's a pic of me reading it:
























The book is about a far loser who lives with his Ma and is sent out to find work. I managed to finish it before that became my life exactly but shit, I was cutting it pretty fine. Anyway, I just wanted to update my loyal readers (google analytics tells me you fuckers are out there), and to let you know that if you need shit did, I'm lookin for work.

Fuck

Okay baby, it's been a while, and I missed you. I just graduated though, and am unemployed, so I have bigger fish to fry atm. Sorry, fuckos, You'll have to wait a bit for me to dive back into the blogosteez.